Joy Jar

An earning system that doesn’t require charts, lists, or stickers.

Parents often struggle with overly complex and detailed reward systems, which are often recommended by mental health providers for children not meeting expectations in the home. You don’t need to embark on a craft project to design an earning system that works for your child. Joy Jars were developed as a counterpart to more complex reward systems, and can be much easier for busy parents to implement. Here is a guide for how to implement this technique:

  1. Find a jar, preferably plastic and see-through. You can use a plastic cup if that’s easier. It shouldn’t be much bigger than an ordinary cup or mug.

  2. Put 2-3 lines on the outside with a marker. These will be important later.

  3. Get a supply of cotton balls, colorful pom poms, gems, or other small item. You’ll use these to fill the jar.

  4. Catch your child being good, praise them, and make a deposit in the jar! Think of it like a symbol of your appreciation. Try to catch them doing things that you want them to be working on, like listening the first time asked, cleaning up after themselves, or being kind to a sibling. The bigger the deed, the larger the handful for your deposit. Be generous!

  5. When the jar gets filled to the first line, grant a simple privilege. Think “quality time” here, not prizes. Like a short game or activity. You’ll go bankrupt pretty fast if you give out stuff every time your child reaches a line! Here’s my free list of rewards if you’re like me and have a hard time being creative on the spot.

  6. When the jar gets filled to the top, grant a bigger privilege. Think 30 minutes or less, or $5 or less. I’ve had some families go get fast food or go to the park every time it gets full!

  7. Fill the jar early and often. If it takes your child a week to fill the jar, that’s too long! You want to very quickly establish the idea that this jar is like magic.

It can be helpful to have each sibling with their own jar, or you can simply have a “family jar” where everyone is doing their best to fill it. Don’t think too hard about how much “credit” one action is worth; just feel it out. I have seen big changes for families who use this technique consistently, even when other systems have worked out. Give it a try! You can also set up an appointment with me so we can design an earning system that’s customized to your household.