The Bedtime Pass

Bedtime does not have to be a struggle.

Does your child resist bedtime, or get up a dozen times for “one more thing?” This is such a common problem that a colleague of mine developed the Bedtime Pass, a technique that teaches children to be patient and stay in bed. It works best on children between ages 3 and 10. Here is how to do it:

Preparation phase:

  1. Make the bedtime pass, which is usually a piece of paper (like a hall pass or bookmark). You can download free ones here and here.

  2. Think of a simple reward that your child could earn each morning.

  3. Set aside 2-3 nights where you have nothing important in the morning, since you might lose some sleep the first few nights. Weekends are ideal.

  4. Teach your child about the bedtime pass. You can say something like, “This is your bedtime pass! You can use it one time to get out of bed for something important, like a quick hug or drink of water. After that, it’s all done. If you don’t use it, you can trade it for a reward in the morning!” You can use the official Bedtime Pass book to teach this, if you like.

Action phase:

  1. When your child uses the pass, it can be used to summon you (you go to them) or leave the bed (they go to you). It is not a pass to go play somewhere.

  2. Use common sense when granting brief requests. No extra screen time, tickle fights, or dance parties! It should be 2 minutes or less.

  3. Tuck them back in just as sweetly as the first time you did, and take the pass with you.

  4. If they get up again, do not talk to them or make eye contact. Gently but firmly take them back to their bed. Be forewarned: They might not like this step, and it might need to happen multiple times!

  5. Continue until the child is asleep. Re-teach and repeat the next night.

It is normal for children to resist (and I mean really resist!) for the first few nights, but research shows that the method is quicker and gentler than traditional “cry-it-out” methods, and boasts an impressive success rate (93%). It even works for children with anxiety! If you don’t feel confident doing this yourself, please set up an appointment with me so we can go through it together.