Job Cards

Discipline for your pre-teen or teen, made simple.

Parents often tell me that they are at a loss for discipline techniques after their child ages out of certain methods; that’s where Job Cards come in! Job Card Grounding (that’s the full name for the technique) is a parenting technique intended for pre--teens and teens who may be struggling with attitude, disrespect, or serious rule-breaking behaviors (e.g., breaking things). It was developed by psychologists and tested by real parents in research studies, and the results are in: Job Cards work! More specifically, Job Cards reduce hostility and problem behavior, without any of the nasty back-and-forth that parents often fall into with their teens. Here is a guide for how to implement the technique:

  1. Come up with a list of 5-10 jobs. It’s best if they are not part of your child’s typical chore responsibilities, but this isn’t required. We don’t want there to be a negative association with a task you actually want them to do regularly.

  2. Write them down, with steps for each. Each job you come up with should take about 15-30 minutes, and should have less than 10 steps. Here are some free ones you can use from www.parenting.org.

  3. Put them in a non-fragile container so you can draw randomly from the container. Do not use a glass jar or container (I say this because I work with a lot of kids who are prone to throwing things when they get upset… prevention goes a long way here).

  4. Issue a card at the next “infraction.” Think of it like a yellow card in soccer, or handing someone a parking ticket. You simply explain the violation committed, hand the card, and disengage.

  5. Resist getting into a back-and-forth. Parents often tell me this is the hardest part, but it perhaps the most important part. Arguing back at this point, or trying to address disrespect after handing out the job card, will send the wrong message. You are setting a boundary, and will not engage until they are finished.

  6. Act as a “privilege thief” until the job is done. This is also a very important step. The cards themselves are not magic; they only work if the teen or pre-teen can’t simply opt out and go do something else. There will be no access to TV, internet, phone, etc. until the job is done.

  7. Resist re-hashing the fight at the end! You will be tempted to raise the issue again once they’ve finished the job, but if you bring it all back up at this point, you might accidentally teach them that their efforts are never enough and they will not be motivated to do the job the next time. Let them “do the time,” and then let it go. All privileges are restored.

Make sure you explain this system before you actually hand out the first card, so you don’t have to try and explain the system when they are likely already upset. Explain that you will give the cold shoulder while the card has been issued, and won’t speak to them again until the job is done. You are teaching that actions speak louder than words. This technique is simple, but not necessarily easy. As a caveat, I know that these steps are relatively general, and you may have questions about specific steps or situations. If you’d like more information about this technique, please set up an appointment with me so we can go through it together.